I am a man who is perpetually ashamed of the past. The present and future always represent the opportunity for self improvement and re-evaluation of one’s own self worth, confidence, direction, understanding, satisfaction, goals, morals, attitudes, accomplishments, the list goes on and on. As a result of this never-ending quest for perfection, I never manage to look at my past fondly. Every time I go back to the way things were, I always scoff and laugh at how stupid I was, how ignorant, and most importantly how far I’ve come since. I never manage to look upon them as the good ol days anymore only because I am currently obsessed with achieving something greater than that which I was.

This phenomena has made me very bitter in many respects. including towards the people in my past. I have had a dynamic life, moving around perpetually from one place to another, and as a result of this, every new change was an opportunity to change something, and to become a better person. I embraced each and every one to the fullest, but the result was that I have come to dislike and disregard the people which I so loved in my past. I come to realize that with very few exceptions I not only do not stay in touch with people, but also end up sometimes disliking them not for who they are, but because they represent something of the weaker person I once was. This unfair judgment has only recently come to my attention, and I am realizing that it is not fair what I have done. I am ashamed of this even as I am proud of who I am at this very instant.

I doubt that any of these people are reading this but if they are I’m sorry. There, I said it. However in spite of this I am not prepared to go back, tracking people down for the sake of doing it. My mind and heart and soul are content with my current circle. I am hopelessly in love with the people who surround me right now, and have been for quite some time now. I believe that my settling down is beginning to bring about a new era of understanding and self-betterment which I was unable to achieve in my perpetual movement. To try and go back in time would upset the balance which I have built. In the future I will try and live my life without regrets.