When I first came to Montreal I was put into a Frosh group at McGill University. Most of these people were just temporary friends, and I never did bond with any of them at any particular level. I do, however, recall some drunk woman hitting on me during the first five minutes of meeting, and then not speaking to me for the duration of the two weeks. I never figured out why. Never mind I am digressing.

I met a man named Eddie. I chose to name him by his real name since Eddie is a common enough name to be attributed to any random person in my world, but his name is unimportant now. In fact I could be wrong and maybe it wasn’t Eddie who showed me this. Anyways the point is that McGill sent us to an Expos baseball game back before they left Montreal, and as method of transportation, we chose the metro, it being convenient and quick. Most metros in Montreal arrive from the left side of the track. If you stand about a foot or so from the edge on the left side whilst the metro comes, you get whipped violently by the rush of air as it zips past you. The rush is an incredible feeling. I know it’s stupid, but I love standing close to the edge and doing it. I am no thrill seeker. I am afraid of heights and violent speeds. But it brings me joy

People commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of a whooshing metro. I wonder if anyone has wanted to jump but been deterred by the thrill I get from this rush. I sometimes think I can see through the eyes of a desperate soul, witnessing the last moments before a life is snuffed out by itself. I don’t understand. I am very fearful of death, but it can make me alive.

I encourage no one to try this sort of thing. It is dangerous and probably illegal.