Witness watch
Behold, enjoy
View the thing which I perform
Feel the wet as I submerge
Sense the liquid penetrating
Everything
The wetness rises
Hold you breath
Pray for death
Immolation via water
Perforation of another
And soon
You breath
The substance seeps deep into the bowels of one’s being
Turning it to its own
Tainting
Dehydrating
If you shower too long your skin will pucker.
If you abide too long you’ll melt
And your eyes will stay that way forever
Absorb, bask, excatsize
The feeling filters everything
Throwing onto it an incontroversial bias
It brings nostalgia to all things
Be sure to eat lots of ice cream
Chocolate chip cookie dough
View old videos
Read letters of love long lost
Weep for the past upon dusty photographs
Take the air in a melodramatic tranceAnd drown yourself in it.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
Nostalgia and regret are two of life’s most bitter opponents.
I have regrets.
I regret not having stayed friends with certain people, or rather allowing myself to become distant from certain elements of my past became I was ashamed. I miss certain feelings. I wonder what they are doing now. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret not having had certain foresight in some situations. Or rather not facing myself and the truths which I knew to be true but wasn’t ready to accept. I wish I had been more mature in some situations. It would have saved me, and many people who were in my entourage at the time, a certain amount of pain. I have made myself out to be an asshole in several situations due to my selfishness and my lack of foresight. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret women who offered to share themselves with me. Good people I liked, but was too intimidated to act on because I was naïve and frightened by what I might discover about myself. I wish I had been more brave and adventuresome. I wish I knew then what I now know. I wish I had had more tact in my refusals. I hurt people. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret not spending more time with my parents. I grew afraid when we began to drift apart and I have on some occasions been insensitive and judgmental. I have taken them for granted since they are always there and always be there. I assume too much. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I have put people who are close to me through useless immature drama and fits of naïve emotion. I have put mundane problems on the shoulders of people with issues far more important and real than my own. I have bored people, frustrated them, wasted their time, and been, by some, pushed away as a result. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I have become melodramatic again on occasion. I miss the past and fear the future. I have gimped my chances because I am too scared to act to save myself. I keep waiting for someone to dig me out of my pit. I am reluctant to do it myself. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
However, in spite of all this I am learning, growing, shifting changing. I grow stronger every day, slowly steadily. I give thanks for this. It means the world to me.
I have regrets.
I regret not having stayed friends with certain people, or rather allowing myself to become distant from certain elements of my past became I was ashamed. I miss certain feelings. I wonder what they are doing now. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret not having had certain foresight in some situations. Or rather not facing myself and the truths which I knew to be true but wasn’t ready to accept. I wish I had been more mature in some situations. It would have saved me, and many people who were in my entourage at the time, a certain amount of pain. I have made myself out to be an asshole in several situations due to my selfishness and my lack of foresight. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret women who offered to share themselves with me. Good people I liked, but was too intimidated to act on because I was naïve and frightened by what I might discover about myself. I wish I had been more brave and adventuresome. I wish I knew then what I now know. I wish I had had more tact in my refusals. I hurt people. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I regret not spending more time with my parents. I grew afraid when we began to drift apart and I have on some occasions been insensitive and judgmental. I have taken them for granted since they are always there and always be there. I assume too much. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I have put people who are close to me through useless immature drama and fits of naïve emotion. I have put mundane problems on the shoulders of people with issues far more important and real than my own. I have bored people, frustrated them, wasted their time, and been, by some, pushed away as a result. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
I have become melodramatic again on occasion. I miss the past and fear the future. I have gimped my chances because I am too scared to act to save myself. I keep waiting for someone to dig me out of my pit. I am reluctant to do it myself. I beg forgiveness. It matters not.
However, in spite of all this I am learning, growing, shifting changing. I grow stronger every day, slowly steadily. I give thanks for this. It means the world to me.
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