Lingering songs leave bitter sensations in the bowels of my intestines. The master strikes again, and another note eschews from the sphincter of woe. It floats for a time, congeals, and leaves behind the remnants of an eternally beautiful thing. Frightened it gazes upon the faces of those who choose to stare intently upon it, and dies. Softly the moans roar into the night, and life which was almost gone arises once again. I too am guilty of such things, but I have not the knack, nor the ability to take it quite as far. Perhaps the realizations which strike the midnight herring will someday illuminate the wickedness of bastards. And fleeting fireflies squeal with delight.
Allow me to apologize for the ravings of the lunatic which slips into the night like a cabbage upon a windowpane. Permit me indulgence at the masturbations of manhood on the crevices of rocks. Forgive my trespasses, as I learn to forgive those who trespass against me. If I have in any way offended thy senses know that it was not my intent. We all want to be noticed by someone who doesn’t notice. We all want someone to pick us up and change things for the better. We all want what we don’t have, and not want that which fall into our possession. Man's greatest friend and most wicked enemy is his desire, his envy, his insatiable lust for that which is beyond his grasp. It will make us masters and break us.
Release thy desires! Let go thy longings! True happiness lies in complacent vegetablism. I want to be un-wanting. I want to be apathetic! I want! I want! Shut up already! The Buddhists were fools! They are just as longing as everyone else. Accept your humanity. Embrace it. Learn it. Control it. Be selfishly unselfish. Make morals! Accomplish stuff! Be happy! There is joy! Stop complaining! Leave me the hell alone! Love me damn you!
It's way past my bedtime.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
It seems to me, my lady that the remedy to thy most foul disposition lies simply in an analysis of thine own necessities and desires. Based on what data I have gathered concerning the matter, I do believe that I have been able to deduce a pattern to thy methods. It occurs to me, madam, that the comforts whist thou art taken with, hath repeatedly concerned men possessed of similar qualities. It is in these common attributes wherein resides the flesh of my deductions.
Firstly and fore mostly, it does occur to me that the consorts which thou hast indulged with, are all men whom at first glace did seem not to notice thyself nor thine existence. Secondly I do perceive that these individuals did also not give in right away for some reason or another pertaining to past liaisons with other human beings, or present ones going on. Weather thou didst know of these facts is irrelevant, for thine actions have been similar in both senses. From these common qualities I do perceive that thou art thyself a slave to the game so to speak. One who appreciates the intricacies of the match more so than its rewards. Such has thy obsession grown, that thou art incapable of appreciating a relationship easily obtained. My lady, thou art a slave to the challenge, and so long as thy goal is beyond thee, though art disposed to long for it all the more. However I do presume that whence the game is done and won, indifference and disinterest shall overcome thee as thou longest for a new challenge. In truth thou hast not yet been subjugated to such a situation, as thou dost choose thy targets in such a way that thou hast not yet achieved a completely successful campaign. I do attribute, madam, the greatest source of thy discomfort to be thine own romantic desire to achieve the unachievable, to conquer the unconquerable. The truth madam, is that such quarry will lead thee unto a never ending quest, and insatiable satisfaction. I do urge thee to consider this strongly as a potential threat to thy further stability. Further analysis also discerns that thou art sensitive to the rejections of peoples. Thy perpetual fervour at chasing the ever so elusive Galtisant hath made thee victim of thine own self worth. Madam, due to the enormity of thy quarry, thy repeated failures have caused thee to be flung into the rapids of a deteriorating self worth. Thou knowest all too well that thou posseseth beauty and intelligence well beyond that which normal members of the fair sex have been attributed with, however thy perpetual dissatisfaction causes thee to question thyself relentlessly. Because thou hast been incapable of discerning the cause for thine inability to achieve stability, thou art looking for some fault, some imaginary endowment which thy consorts perceive, but thou canst not. Thou dost starve thyself, analyze thy personality, rebel, spend much time in preparation prior to unimportant events, and thy efforts go to naught. This in turn begins a spiral of self oppression. My lady, lack of nourishment, and perpetually dissatisfaction will lead thee to ruin.
However madam tis also shown by repetition, that thou hast yet to heed my warnings. Most of the substance, contained in my report, is known to thee from conversations and prior consultations. However thou dost refuse to desist from thy path. I am therefore of the opinion that thou art not yet ready. Thou knowest the wisdom of mine words in mind, but thy heart hath not yet let go of that fleeting hope that perhaps someday thou whislt conquer Narcissus himself. Until thou truly realizeth this truth, I must reluctantly advise thee to indulge in whatever passions thou dost perceive. It is my belief and ardent hope that thou whislt eventually come to see the truth in mine words, whence thou dost enter into thy situations armed with that which I have imparted unto thee. Maybe someday thou whislt comprehend that which I have implored thee to realize.
We all want to be noticed by someone who doesn’t notice. Life's a bitch, but love is not a one way street.
Firstly and fore mostly, it does occur to me that the consorts which thou hast indulged with, are all men whom at first glace did seem not to notice thyself nor thine existence. Secondly I do perceive that these individuals did also not give in right away for some reason or another pertaining to past liaisons with other human beings, or present ones going on. Weather thou didst know of these facts is irrelevant, for thine actions have been similar in both senses. From these common qualities I do perceive that thou art thyself a slave to the game so to speak. One who appreciates the intricacies of the match more so than its rewards. Such has thy obsession grown, that thou art incapable of appreciating a relationship easily obtained. My lady, thou art a slave to the challenge, and so long as thy goal is beyond thee, though art disposed to long for it all the more. However I do presume that whence the game is done and won, indifference and disinterest shall overcome thee as thou longest for a new challenge. In truth thou hast not yet been subjugated to such a situation, as thou dost choose thy targets in such a way that thou hast not yet achieved a completely successful campaign. I do attribute, madam, the greatest source of thy discomfort to be thine own romantic desire to achieve the unachievable, to conquer the unconquerable. The truth madam, is that such quarry will lead thee unto a never ending quest, and insatiable satisfaction. I do urge thee to consider this strongly as a potential threat to thy further stability. Further analysis also discerns that thou art sensitive to the rejections of peoples. Thy perpetual fervour at chasing the ever so elusive Galtisant hath made thee victim of thine own self worth. Madam, due to the enormity of thy quarry, thy repeated failures have caused thee to be flung into the rapids of a deteriorating self worth. Thou knowest all too well that thou posseseth beauty and intelligence well beyond that which normal members of the fair sex have been attributed with, however thy perpetual dissatisfaction causes thee to question thyself relentlessly. Because thou hast been incapable of discerning the cause for thine inability to achieve stability, thou art looking for some fault, some imaginary endowment which thy consorts perceive, but thou canst not. Thou dost starve thyself, analyze thy personality, rebel, spend much time in preparation prior to unimportant events, and thy efforts go to naught. This in turn begins a spiral of self oppression. My lady, lack of nourishment, and perpetually dissatisfaction will lead thee to ruin.
However madam tis also shown by repetition, that thou hast yet to heed my warnings. Most of the substance, contained in my report, is known to thee from conversations and prior consultations. However thou dost refuse to desist from thy path. I am therefore of the opinion that thou art not yet ready. Thou knowest the wisdom of mine words in mind, but thy heart hath not yet let go of that fleeting hope that perhaps someday thou whislt conquer Narcissus himself. Until thou truly realizeth this truth, I must reluctantly advise thee to indulge in whatever passions thou dost perceive. It is my belief and ardent hope that thou whislt eventually come to see the truth in mine words, whence thou dost enter into thy situations armed with that which I have imparted unto thee. Maybe someday thou whislt comprehend that which I have implored thee to realize.
We all want to be noticed by someone who doesn’t notice. Life's a bitch, but love is not a one way street.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
The Annals of Habib Al’Taib
Damn the Formian! It appears that that lump of whatever it was that the Queen fed me has left my stomach in shambles. I haven’t felt this way since the time Jagdish tricked me into drinking camel urine, telling me it was a spirit quest potion. I never repeated the mistake again; plus I’m supposed to be immune to poisons!
Our meeting with the ant Queen revealed that the metal beasts are among of the primary defense forces of Shadowthrone’s fortress. The Queen also happens to know the location of the nest from which these minions come. It might be to our advantage if we crippled that location first, seeing as we have managed to acquire some spare time. Alternatively we could also try and nail him now, given that we have but one short week left.
We retired to our quarters for further discussion, when my stomach began to flip-flop. I have just come down with a horrible liquid experience. My insides are melting into a greenish substance who’s smell is almost as excruciating as the searing fire which has exploded in my gut. Thank the gods that we purchased that extra-dimensional crapper at the beginning of the adventure. At least I can travel with my companions wherever they decide to go since right now… … … aw shit… … I am in no condition to contribute anything positive to the decision making process… … I think I’ll try writing when I get better… … Aww crap.
Damn the Formian! It appears that that lump of whatever it was that the Queen fed me has left my stomach in shambles. I haven’t felt this way since the time Jagdish tricked me into drinking camel urine, telling me it was a spirit quest potion. I never repeated the mistake again; plus I’m supposed to be immune to poisons!
Our meeting with the ant Queen revealed that the metal beasts are among of the primary defense forces of Shadowthrone’s fortress. The Queen also happens to know the location of the nest from which these minions come. It might be to our advantage if we crippled that location first, seeing as we have managed to acquire some spare time. Alternatively we could also try and nail him now, given that we have but one short week left.
We retired to our quarters for further discussion, when my stomach began to flip-flop. I have just come down with a horrible liquid experience. My insides are melting into a greenish substance who’s smell is almost as excruciating as the searing fire which has exploded in my gut. Thank the gods that we purchased that extra-dimensional crapper at the beginning of the adventure. At least I can travel with my companions wherever they decide to go since right now… … … aw shit… … I am in no condition to contribute anything positive to the decision making process… … I think I’ll try writing when I get better… … Aww crap.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
I remember when I was a child the very day I decided that I wanted to become a sorcerer when I grew up. You ever seen Fantasia? It was a long time ago. Far back enough that I do not remember when I saw it, but it remains to this day one of my earliest memories and notions of existence. Two things remain clear to me as I watched the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Firstly that the sorcerer’s magic hat looked wicked cool (I might have used different words at the time since I don’t think I knew that many back then). Secondly, I wanted to be a manipulator of magic when I grew up.
One of the saddest days in my life happened when I was in the third grade, and I came home one day crying to my parents about how everyone at school was saying that Santa Claus didn’t exist. It took my parents a few days to work up the courage to tell me that it was my father who dressed up every year. In that moment I understood that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and magic didn’t exist. I knew I would never be a sorcerer. I was crushed. A small part of me still wants to believe.
Armed with existential philosophy and ridiculous arguments one can justify the existence of magic and some unknown unseen force blah blah blah. Many of my friends claim to be adepts in the art. It’s just not the same. I re-watched the Sorcerer’s Apprentice a few years ago in Fantasia 2000. It was so much fun. Made me feel like a child again, and I walked out feeling warm and safe, and secure that the world wasn’t all that bad. I was also high, but I don’t think that influenced the feeling much.
One of the saddest days in my life happened when I was in the third grade, and I came home one day crying to my parents about how everyone at school was saying that Santa Claus didn’t exist. It took my parents a few days to work up the courage to tell me that it was my father who dressed up every year. In that moment I understood that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and magic didn’t exist. I knew I would never be a sorcerer. I was crushed. A small part of me still wants to believe.
Armed with existential philosophy and ridiculous arguments one can justify the existence of magic and some unknown unseen force blah blah blah. Many of my friends claim to be adepts in the art. It’s just not the same. I re-watched the Sorcerer’s Apprentice a few years ago in Fantasia 2000. It was so much fun. Made me feel like a child again, and I walked out feeling warm and safe, and secure that the world wasn’t all that bad. I was also high, but I don’t think that influenced the feeling much.
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