Occasionally I think back on my old school in Zimbabwe and how much I hate it. The school was called St. George’s College, and it was an all boys school run by Jesuits. The system of education was old school, corporal punishment, copying 100 lines from the bible by hand. Your incentive to be good was punishment, not at all like the progressive reward systems.

My first impression came even before I actually moved to Zimbabwe. My parents had been down to scope out the place, and they went to visit the school. They told my parents politely that my brother and I would be better off attending the international school. We were furious but insistent. Eventually my parents had to ask a friend of the family in the Vatican to write a letter on our behalf. We got in.

The school uniform consisted of a both khaki shit and shorts, with a red and white tie, a red floppy hat and blazer. It was absolutely ridiculous but I wore it with pride and humor my first days of school. I was well received by the students since I passed myself off as the badass American boy from DC. No one called my bluff, and I instantly acquired respect. The teachers treated me like I didn’t speak their language. One even went so far as to suggest that we write to the examination board when exam time would come and inform them that they were going to grade an American student as if I was disadvantaged. Since they school heavily favored the jocks, the administration gave me a lot of shit for not trying out for sports. I seriously hated it.

The turn of the tide came when the school took two months off and sent us all off to do community service. I was sent to an elementary school for mentally handicapped children. I admit that at first I was very reluctant seeing as I had already completed community service at my old high school in the States. We brought the parents to plead my case, but the school refused to waver. And so I found myself every day working on restoring old computers which the school used to teach their kids. The computers were old and crappy but I put each one back into decent shape quickly. I installed games, played with the children, it was fun. At the end of the session we were asked to raise money for our respective organizations. In a brilliant scheme I took advantage of a school play taking place and set about selling soft drinks and snacks. We made more than any other group in the history of St. George’s College. Around that time I started getting a little more positive notice from the teachers. Those who had forced me to go gloated, but I was happy I’d done a good thing and had a good time.

The next two years was one victory after another. In academics I pwned. I made a buddy with whom I started a lucrative underground operation involving internet downloads. I had access to technology and know-how that no one else in the place did. We made quite a killing further enhancing our reputations amongst the student body. I went out a lot, partied, started smoking, threw parties in probably the largest house anyone I’ve ever known has lived in. I was king of the world there.

Now at the time things were going well. My grades were kicking ass so they gave me some slack about sports. Turns out their all American jock was turning into the nerdy brainiac with a social life and a reputation. However I had this friend who was less liked by the administration. In short they sent a note to the boy’s parents saying that mine and another kid’s parents had officially complained to the school about the behavior of a certain student. Naturally my friend was booted right out of the school and his parents pissed off at me. The matter was sorted out between us eventually, but he never truly recovered from the blow. Sure he was a slacker. He didn’t excel at sports or do particularly well academically. Now St. George’s College is an excellent institution which produces excellent boys. So because they couldn’t train him they banned him. I’ve never forgiven them.

I got my vengeance shortly thereafter when some friends of mine snuck into the school at night and poured two liters of potassium permanganate into the swimming pool. We turned the pool dark purple. Guess who they blamed. Only a foreigner could have had the balls to pull something like this. However I was the kid who was going to bring them three A’s at A-level, and they had no proof whatsoever. The school tried intimidating the culprits with lies about how they knew who had done it and would offer mercy if they stepped forward. No one did, and I had been home when it had happened. Booyah.

My friend and I eventually grew distant and to tell you the truth I don’t like him much anymore for different reasons I wont go into now. But the fact of the matter is that the school wasn’t interested in giving education. They were interested in money and reputation. All the words of the priests and people, the school which sent us all out for two months for the good of mankind did it for repute. It seriously hit my view on Catholicism and the Jesuit Order. I’m not saying that such people are bad people. Many of them have good intentions and do good things so I’m not going to judge people based on their religious choices. However I remain to this day disgusted at St. George’s and the lies.

Since then Zimbabwe has gone to shit. I don’t know if the school remains open. I don’t know what befell of the people there. I do know that some of my more favorite professors did get out. I also know that the people who hated me for being a foreigner before proving myself, and lied about my friend, got into shit with the government, because that is the nature of dictatorships. I feel truly bad. No one deserves what they are getting, even if the system was misguided and oppressive to the students.

I have a fantasy that some day I’ll be able to back to the school as I remember it with no troubles and none of the political turmoil. I’ll go right up to “Spacemonkey” one of the most despised members of the school and ask for a tour telling him that I am considering making a hefty donation. I’ll offer fags to those old enough to smoke, and openly humiliate the man in front of his students all with a couple hundred US dollars in my hand waving them at his face. In the end I’ll tell him that it was myself and a couple of buddies who engineered the best school prank, the school had ever seen. The money will go to some student I deem worthwhile and I’ll send him off to University somewhere good.

My daydreamings can be so very childish sometimes.