Ahh let us embrace the sensation of testicles filled tight like water balloons wanting nothing more than to quench the heat of a hot summer day. Let us bask in the glory of unfulfilled desires which leave one empty despite the overwhelming fullness of it all! Let us take the air in a breath of freshness which the lungs are unused to knowing. Let us drink deep, the clear clear waters from which no fermentation can occur. Abstinence from sin is good for the body! And yet… it’s never been more fragile. Irony is a fickle bitch who’s sense of humor’s akin to mine. Damn you for turning the joke on me!

And somewhere in the distance someone is getting laid tonight. ZING! And somewhere in the depths of my being I know comfort, for I have beaten the odds. I have conquered myself. I am the Master of my domain! But why do I continue to punish myself so? What evil do I seek to cleanse with fires of righteousness?

A test! A game of chess against myself. Free beer! Self confidence! Mmmmmm sushi….. Mastery of one’s self! Freedom from the hand! Yeah that’s it! It’s a matter of pride… yes pride! I hold my pride in my right hand! … No wait…. I won’t do that! Not yet! Not until…. until…. What was I just saying? Second only to nature! Ooooops…

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

249 hours down… 519 to go…..Must……. not……. crack…. Arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!