Incoming illuminatory discourse on one of my darker sides.

Today I managed to peel myself away from my brilliant Final Fantasy 7 session in order to go out and change the world for the better. Basically the mother of the Minister of the Interior prevailed upon me to serve my fellow man and help save the world and the misguided people in it. She bribed me with speedier access to heaven and all the feminine flesh I can stand when I get there (sounds like I’m selling my soul). I’ve been considering volunteering for quite awhile now and after several days of self analysis I have determined a series of reasons why I am ready to be a volunteer. My motives, however, are purely selfish, though valid, in my opinion. For this reason I wish to illustrate them.

As an economist it is habitual to proceed in any analysis by spelling out some basic assumptions. Firstly let us assume for the moment that I am a decent human being. I know I’m not really really good. But on the other hand I am pure and innocent compared to most of the filthy people in existence. Let us assume that there also exists category of goodness above mine which consists of all the people who are motivated by good things and a genuine desire to help their fellow man and woman.

Righto. Thus as a good person I am endowed with basic morality. In my case maybe a bit more than most, but lets face it, I am a spoiled brat who grew up in the asshole of the world, living in lush luxury whilst people around me were starving. I have seen screwed up shit and been ashamed of myself for not doing my part. However interestingly enough my volunteering has very little to do with going out and paying my dues to society as I am intimidated by disadvantaged people. I get frustrated with the mentally retarded and elderly human beings. In short, working for these people directly is a bad choice for me since, although rewarding, I’m more likely to throw my arms in the air and say screw it. Furthermore I am of the opinion that if I did go out there with the intention of actually changing something for the better, I’d want to do it all out, hardcore, and be proud of myself rather than doing a half assed job aboot it. Hence the reason of saving humanity is no longer a valid one in my case so well lets drop that.

I think that at the end of the day what really drives me is the amount of unproductive time I have on my hands, and the desire to fill it with justifiable quality activities. As a relatively unemployed youth, on a three month vacation, I need to justify my existence by doing things. Too much empty time of my hands makes me depressed. For the summer I have lined up, a very very very part-time job at the Concordia Economics Department, and a Calculus 3 course at McGill. I need to do other things and fast because I'm aboot to finish Final Fantasy 7 and it’s not even July yet.

Second reason. I, as well as the vast majority of the human population my age, am in search of a life mate, girlfriend, companion, sex buddy, whatever they call it, and I find myself in a static situation where I am not meeting new people except though friends of friends of friends etc…. Its sucks, it’s real. Solution? Activities which require me to interact with people. Volunteering is a particularly good option in my case because most of the people who volunteer are female (Don’t laugh. I read statistics on the subject).

Third reason. I get along well with the Minister’s mother, and if ever I get bored I know I can always find entertainment in her words rather than sitting at home wondering which video game to play next. Plus if it sucks, I quit. I’m not being paid. I have no obligations except for moral ones.

Fourth reason. It’s a good cause.

Hence on Tuesday I will be training as a counselor in charge of helping volunteers find the kind of volunteering they want to do. The organization I’ll be helping out places people in over 700 different organizations that need volunteers. Since I’m nervous around the poor, elderly, etc… I don’t have to work with them directly, but I can help them out indirectly. Plus most of the people I’m likely to talk to will be friendly human beings with good intentions.

I promise to keep you guys posted on the development of this, one of my strangest plans in life.

Save the whales. Eat Snacky Smores.