A couple of days ago I was out with some of friends and as usual, the subject matter turned towards relationships. This is a topic of conversation which I have hesitated a great deal to write about because my philosophies about the opposite sex are hardly set in stone and are in perpetual rapid evolution along with myself. However this was proposed to me and has been running through my mind the last couple of days. Since this is technically a journal I wish to share my thoughts on the subject.

So we are eating sushi one night and of course the topic of conversation gravitates towards one’s attitude vs. relationships, love friendship, the works. More precisely we began to focus on dependence on your significant other, which is a phenomena which occurs quite regularly if not constantly. This friend of mine in question explains that good relationships entail not dependence on the person, but just loving the person for who they are. To begin with, this is something I do not completely agree upon, but she does make the interesting and true point that when you need someone and become dependent on them, you might actually love they way they make you feel and not necessarily having them, in particular, as a human being. It’s really the next point that she made which made me think, however. In order to truly love someone you need to love yourself enough so that your self esteem does not become all caught up with the relationship. This makes a certain amount of sense to me, and yet I hadn’t thought about it before. Everyone has some kind of self esteem problem or another. This is something we perpetually try and battle against, but when you are in a relationship where someone else is making you feel good about yourself, you go to the top of the world and nothing can touch your happiness… until it fails, and when it fails, you fall hard. Wouldn’t it be easier to recover, armed with the confidence that you are proud of who and what you are regardless of other people? Would it make your love with your significant other stronger, knowing that you are in the relationship because you like the person and not because you need them? But let us not exaggerate, for there does exist and extreme to this. Friendship is a necessary dependence because, like it or not, happiness is virtually impossible without some form of human contact. It is in man’s nature to depend on others to a certain extent for the weight of reality is heavy indeed. I’d sooner put a bullet through my skull than give-up friendship forever. Is this because I depend of my friends? Yes I do. Is it wrong? No. But then friends are less likely to hurt your feelings than a significant other. So the ever so popular theory kicks in again and proves itself most likely true. The answer lies not at the extremes, but in the middle. We are not meant for solitude. Our minds are not really equipped to build and provide self esteem without the help of others. However relying too much on people is detrimental because you get hurt when the people who provide it fail you, and they will fail you because man is imperfect. I believe I will try and change my life such that I can find this imperfect balance, for I have always relied entirely too much on other human beings to fuel my self worth. I should love because I want to love, not because I need it to be happy. I should want to be with friends because I want to, and not because they make me feel special. I’m not saying that it’s bad. I’m saying that maybe I rely on it too much. Wholeness should be personal. I will try to make this happen for myself.

My 1000th hit since I started writing is comming up. Thanx for the support.