Booyah. Yesterday I finally experienced my first “study headache,” since last April when I completed the last of my exams. I find it very strange how I’ve conveniently forgotten all the negative aspects of school so quickly. All summer I’ve been pondering about how much I miss my classes and studying, the camaderie, the satisfaction of being correct, solving a hard problems. Funny how easy it is to forget the stress, the headaches at not managing to solve something, the anger associated with it, the fatigue associated with a droning voice.

Yesterday I began my first assignment, Econometrics. For me Econometrics is the least attractive aspect of economics. Throw me theory, models, philosophy any day, but make it into complicated statistics, and my brain starts PMSing. Anywho I started the assignment, and fours hours later after not having gotten anywhere I had someone explain to me a few short simple mathematical tricks which made it all so easy.

So now I’m wondering weather or not I wasted those four painful, angry, frustrated hours or not. I’m not a violent individual, but if I get frustrated at not being able to solve something I should be able to do, especially when I feel I should be able to do it, I don’t get depressed and self loathing, I get angry. It’s probably not healthy, but anger is a more motivating emotion than self-pity. Most probably the painful process is constructive. I explored my imaginative side of Math to solve this problem, came up with all sorts of interesting things which failed. I am better at manipulation of mathematics as a result, but dammit, my head hurts. Plus, because I didn’t manage to solve it myself, I don’t feel the satisfaction.

When it comes to economics I am vain. I have confidence in myself, and I am convinced I can do most things my professors expect of me, hence the frustrations. I think that this self confidence is a strength. I haven’t taken it to the extremes of belittling people with it so I’m not abusing.

In other news I’ve decided to drop the easy class with the boring teacher because I can’t keep my eyes open. I’ll do better if I’m challenged.

Lastly, I’ve been assigned a teaching assistantship along with all my friends who applied. YAY!