“Whatever you do, just stay close to your friends.” -El Presidente- (Sage advice from one friend to another, concerning a deep depression which hit me last year).

Yesterday I found myself awake at 7AM to make a 10AM class. I know that such an early rise from my slumber was not the most efficient way to go about starting my day, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Naturally it wasn’t until 8PM, when my last class ended, that I finally started feeling really awake, and prevailed upon Number 65 and another fellow colleague of mine, to join me for a pint at Brutopia.

Our evening consisted of light conversation, catching up on summer events, speaking on things yet to come. All in all it was a splendid evening despite the sheer number of people filtering into the barroom, smothering my space with bodies and smoke.

Number 65 and I embarked upon a long conversation, which began as an analysis of difference between our personalities. I think I started something along the lines of, “Hey dude I’m going to organize to go to the Comedy Works next weekend. I haven’t been there in while.” To which I got a, “Ahh but what if everyone backs out on you. Would you go alone?” This is a very philosophical question concerning my psyche. It addresses the issue that I am a groupie. I revel in human contact and detest doing things alone. I am constantly striving to surround myself with people, and if I don’t manage to, I sometimes have difficulty amusing myself. In many respects I am an organizer of events, and entertainment. However on my own, I almost seldom do anything other than trying to get people to come out with me. This holds true for most things with certain small exceptions. I have been known on occasion to completely withdraw myself from society and socializing, for the sake of an engrossing videogame. It’s one of the few things I don’t need to share with people. The only other exception, which comes to mind, is the time no one wanted to go to a Jazz concert at McGill. This is the only time I bit the bullet, smoked a joint, and went to listen to some music alone. It was fun, but I remember thinking, “Gee everyone would have loved this.”

Perhaps the most illogical dislike of mine is going to see a movie alone. I haven’t done it before, and I probably should. However I feel that I just won’t enjoy a good movie if I’m not sharing the experience with someone else. It’s illogical, (I’m borrowing from Number 65 here). (More or less) “Admiral man when I go see a movie, I don’t talk to people, I don’t want to be talked to, I just want to sit back alone and enjoy my movie. If you start talking to me, you ruin my fun.” He is correct. My first defense for taking people to see a movie would be to provide an opportunity to discuss the show afterwards. This doesn’t hold, however, for the simple reason that such discussions can take place at a later date; that and the fact that I like to “digest” a good movie before making judgments. This ruins my basis for ever saying, “Don’t go see it without me.” It just doesn’t make sense.

It occurs to me that there have been several shows which I’ve wanted to see that people saw without me, causing me to not to see it. For example, I haven’t seen Fahrenheit 9/11 yet, for the simple reason that I didn’t want to go alone. I wonder if this provides insight as to my motivational purposes.

When I study alone, I hardly ever get any work done, and I’m constantly losing my train of thought. However when I am in a study group, I am motivated and harder working. Now it’s true, I’ve been known to be distracting in a study group, but I get much more done working with people. It is clear that human contact motivates me. Lack of it makes me idle and unwilling to do things alone. Is this a flaw?

So now I have to wonder to myself weather or not my dependence on people is a bad thing or not. Right now I have loads of friends from many circles so I generally don’t have trouble getting people together to satisfy my needs. However should I depend on others as much as I do? Or should I strive to learn to become more independent and less reliant on others. It is clear to me that both extremes could be a bad thing. As with all things the answer must lie somewhere in the middle.